Life is Kind a Crazy

Well, Good News. Callie made it through her surgery with flying colors! She is doing very well, and aside from trying to manage her pain, she seems to be doing just fine. The surgeon said that the tumor he removed was 30cm long and weighed 13lbs! Bigger then a full term baby! It does seem crazy that something that big can be inside of you and you don't even know it. I imagine that she is going to start feeling a lot better. Better than she has probably in years!

But now that the surgery is over, I find myself at home alone trying to get things ready for her return and I feel like an emotional wreck for some reason. It doesn't make sense to me, but something doesn't feel right. I feel really lonely and as though there is never going to be enough time in the day to get what I need done. I feel like life is like an empty shell right now and I am not sure what I could do to make things different.

I like my new job, but something doesn't feel right. I am trying to be patient and wait and see how things go, but somehow I feel like a stranger in a place where I used to feel so at home. I am hoping that soon I will feel and see improvment. I am so tired of working at Starbucks right now, but I know that I need to hold fast and make it through.

I just need for a wave of energy to push through the next two weeks. I feel like everything that I was holding back, trying to be strong, has pushed its way to the forefront of my defense system and I am no longer to restrain myself. I am tired. I need to be held. I don't know if I can be the holder right now.